Good morning. Write about your partner. Use the sentence structure we practiced about Obama. 

For example:

Martha, who was born in Bogota, now lives with her family in Astoria. 


This is the Obama example. Please read it again with your partner now. 


Obama


Obama, who was born in Hawaii and is the first African-American to be president, majored in political science and international relations. 

Obama, who is African-American, became the first African-American president, had a double major. 
Obama, who was born in Hawaii in 1961, moved with his family to Indonesia in 1967 and at the age of ten returned to Hawaii. 

Obama, who makes powerful speeches, taught law at the University of Chicago for twelve years and became Illinois senator in 1996. 

Obama, who supported legislation on conservation, energy, immigration and honest leadership, was elected as a U.S. senator in 2004 and made history in 2008 when he won the U.S. presidential election as the first African-American to be president. 

Obama, who is serving his second term as U.S. president, said that all army troops will come back before his term in the White House is done. 


Please read all the instructions below with your partner, carefully


First, click on SIGN IN and use our USER NAME: telcblogger@yahoo.com and PASSWORD (it's on the white board. 


To write here, click on the PENCIL ICON (new post). 

Remember to write YOUR NAME and YOUR PARTNER'S NAME in the TITLE SPACE (at the top of this window). 

When you finish, click PUBLISH. If you can't finish, click SAVE. 

Li Zhou and Vigina Majiia

 Barack Obama ,who is the 44th President of the United States of Amarica,is also the winner of the 2009 Noble Peace Prize,made history in 2008 when the U.S. presidential election ,is the first African American to be  President,


This sentence is long. It needs an "and."

 Barack Obama ,who is the 44th President of the United States of America AND also the winner of the 2009 Noble Peace Prize, made history in 2008


After "when" it needs a new subject "he"  and a new verb "won"


 Barack Obama ,who is the 44th President of the United States of America AND also the winner of the 2009 Noble Peace Prize, made history in 2008 when HE WON the U.S. presidential election ,is the first African American to be  President.


But this still isn't correct. The end (is the first African America to be President" can move to the middle. Then you will have 3 actions connected by the AND.

(who-action 1- is the 44th President of the United States, -action 2- the first African American to be president AND-action 3- also the winner of the 2009 Nobel Peace Prize)

The correct complete sentence is:

Barack Obama, who is the 44th President of the United States, the first African American to be President and the winner of the 2009 Nobel Peace Prize, made history in 2008 when he won the U.S. presidential election. 

wilmer and aleksandra

Barack Obama, who is the 44th President of the United States of America, is also the winner of the 2009 Nobel Peace Prize. Barack Obama, who made history in 2008 when he won the U.S. presidential election is the first African American to be President. Obama's, whose charisma, intelligence, and powerful speeches have made him extremely popular with many Americans has been very successful with his message for change.

After four years in New York, Barack Obama who moved to Chicago, there worked  as the director of a


----

The first paragraph is correct but needs two commas (,). Can you find where?

Try to find the two places where a comma is necessary before you look at the paragraph below, in which I have put the two commas in the correct places.


Barack Obama, who is the 44th President of the United States of America, is also the winner of the 2009 Nobel Peace Prize. Barack Obama, who made history in 2008 when he won the U.S. presidential election, is the first African American to be President. Obama's, whose charisma, intelligence, and powerful speeches have made him extremely popular with many Americans, has been very successful with his message for change.

There is another minor error. "Obama's" should be only "Obama" because the next word "whose" has the "possessive marking" (same meaning as the 's in "Obama's").

So the fully correct paragraph is:

Barack Obama, who is the 44th President of the United States of America, is also the winner of the 2009 Nobel Peace Prize. Barack Obama, who made history in 2008 when he won the U.S. presidential election, is the first African American to be President. Obama, whose charisma, intelligence, and powerful speeches have made him extremely popular with many Americans, has been very successful with his message for change.

There wasn't enough time to finish the second paragraph. The structure has a problem. I suggest you try to fix it before you look at the correction I wrote below. 

original: After four years in New York, Barack Obama who moved to Chicago, there worked  as the director of a

correction: After four years in New York, Barack Obama moved to Chicago, where he worked  as the director of a

Gladys and Erika

Barack Obama, who is the 44th President of the United States of America, is also the winner of the 2009 Nobel Peace Prize. Obama who made history in 2008 when he won the U.S. presidential election, is the first African American to be President.Obama who is charisma, intelligence, and powerful speeches have made him extremely popular with many Americans, has been very successful with his message for change.

There should be a comma between Obama and who (in two places)

"who is" should change to "whose" (possessive)


The first sentence is correct. The second sentence needs "whose" and a comma after "Obama." I suggest you try to repair it before looking at my correction below.

original: Obama who is charisma, intelligence, and powerful speeches have made him extremely popular with many Americans, has been very successful with his message for change.

correction: Obama, whose charisma, intelligence, and powerful speeches have made him extremely popular with many Americans, has been very successful with his message for change.


Also, you should leave a space after every period (.)


no space (incorrect): the first African American to be President.Obama

space (correct): the first African American to be President. Obama


That's a very small error, but it's good to eliminate it. 

yatnna guzman and halima ezzara

Barack Obama, who is the 44th  presidente of the united states of america. is also the winner  of the 2009 nobel peace prize, he made history in 2008 when he won the U.S. presidential election.

Virginia Mejia with Li Zhou.

Barack Obama, who is the 44th President of the United States of America, is also the winner of 2009  nobel peace prize, made history in 2008 when he won the U.S presidential election, is the first African American to be president and whose charisma, intelligence, and powerful speeches have made him extremely popular with many Americans and has been very successful with his message for change


Most of this is correct, but it is too long and should be separated into 2 sentences.

With the addition of "AND," the first sentence can be:

Barack Obama, who is the 44th President of the United States of America AND also the winner of 2009  nobel peace prize, made history in 2008 when he won the U.S presidential election.

Nobel Peace Prize needs capital letters because it is a name.

Barack Obama, who is the 44th President of the United States of America and also the winner of 2009  Nobel Peace Prize, made history in 2008 when he won the U.S presidential election.


The elements of the second sentence are in this order:


1. is the first African American to be president

2. whose charisma, intelligence and powerful speeches have made him extremely popular with many Americans

3. has been very successful with his message for change.


It will be correct with these changes:

A. the addition of "Obama, who" at the beginning

B. replace the second "and" with a comma.


original: is the first African American to be president and whose charisma, intelligence, and powerful speeches have made him extremely popular with many Americans and has been very successful with his message for change

correction: Obama, who is the first African American to be president and whose charisma, intelligence, and powerful speeches have made him extremely popular with many Americans, has been very successful with his message for change.


And remember to put a period after "election" and after "change" because there are now two separate sentences, each needing a period at the end.


Complete correction:

Barack Obama, who is the 44th President of the United States of America and also the winner of 2009  Nobel Peace Prize, made history in 2008 when he won the U.S presidential election. Obama, who is the first African American to be president and whose charisma, intelligence, and powerful speeches have made him extremely popular with many Americans, has been very successful with his message for change.

Sandra and Ingrid

BARACK OBAMA.

1.
Barack Obama, Who is the 44th President of the United States of America, is also the winner of the  2009 Nobel Peace Prize, made history in 2008 when won the U.S. presidential election, is the first African American to be President. Whos charisma, intelligence, and powerful speeches have made him extremely popular with many Americans. He has been very successful with his message for change.

3.
After four years in New York, Obama moved to Chicago. There, he worked as the director of a community project from 1985 to 1988. He entered Harvard Law School and became the first black president of the Harvard Law Review.


The "W" in "who" should not be capitalized.

"and" should replace "comma+ is"

The first sentence should end with a period after "Prize" and then a new sentence should begin with he (Prize. He..)

after "when" there should be a new subject and verb ("he" and "won")


original: Barack Obama, Who is the 44th President of the United States of America, is also the winner of the  2009 Nobel Peace Prize, made history in 2008 when won the U.S. presidential election


correction: Barack Obama, who is the 44th President of the United States of America and also the winner of the  2009 Nobel Peace Prize, made history in 2008 when he won the U.S. presidential election.

The next sentence should begin with "Obama + comma+ who

"President. Whos" should  change to "and whose"

"Americans. He has" should change to "Americans, has"


original:  is the first African American to be President. Whos charisma, intelligence, and powerful speeches have made him extremely popular with many Americans. He has been very successful with his message for change.


correction: Obama, who is the first African American to be President and whose charisma, intelligence, and powerful speeches have made him extremely popular with many Americans, has been very successful with his message for change.


Remember to end each sentence with a period. Also, there should be no period after the title:

incorrect title: Barack Obama.

correct title: Barack Obama


The second part of your composition (marked 3) is 100% correct. 

aleksandra and wilmer

BARACK OBAMA

barack obama who is the 44th president of the united states of america.  is also the winner of the 2009 novel peace prize. made history in 2008 when won the U.S presidential election. the first african american to be president. Obama's charisma, intelligence, and powerfull speeches have made him extremely popular with many Americans.  has been very successful with his message for change.

After four years in new york, Obama moved to Chicago. There, worked as the director of a community prject from 1985 to 1988. entered harvard law school and became the first black president of the harvard law  re


correction:

"Barack Obama"

Barack Obama, who is the 44th president of the United States of America and also the winner of the 2009 Nobel Peace Prize, made history in 2008 when won the U.S presidential election. Obama, who is the first African American to be president and whose charisma, intelligence, and powerful speeches have made him extremely popular with many Americans, has been very successful with his message for change.


There wasn't time to finish work on the second paragraph.

correction:


After four years in New York, Obama moved to Chicago. There, he worked as the director of a community project from 1985 to 1988. He entered Harvard Law School and became the first black president of the Harvard Law Review. 

Alinton and Zunilda

                                                                                                                                                                         Barack Obama, who is the 44th president of the united state of America, is also the winner of the
2009 Nobel Peace Prize. Obama made history in 2008 when he won the u.s. Presidential election.


The beginning (above) is correct.



is the first African American to be President. whose charisma, intelligence, and powerful speeches


There wasn't enough time to do more. By adding "whose" and 2 commas and a few more words from the text, you can connect the last sentence at the top with the one at the bottom, to make this correct sentence.




Obama, whose charisma, intelligence, and powerful speeches have made him extremely popular with some American people, made history in 2008 when he won the U.S. Presidential election.

ana garcia, guillermo , anadelfa

Barack Obama , who is the 44th president of the united states of america ,who

Barack Obama, who is the 44th President of the United States , is also the winner of  the 2009
Nobel peace Prize. Who made history in 2008, who won the U. S. presidential election, also

Luis and Janaina

BARACK OBAMA

Barack Obama, who is the 44th president of the United States of America, is also the winner of the 2009 Nobel Peace Prize, who made history in 2008 when he won the U.S presidential election. he is the first African American to be President, Obama, who is charisma, inetelligence and powerful speeches, who have  made him extremly popular with many americans, who has been very successful with his message for change

BARACK OBAMA

Barack Obama, who is the 44th president of the United States of America,  is also the winner of the 2009 Nobel Peace Prize who, made history in 2008 when he won U.S. presidential election.
He is the first African American to be President. Obam

halima ezzaraii and yatnna gusman

barak obama who is 44  the 44 th presidend of the united s

Guillermo, Anadelfa and Ana

BARACK OBAMA

Barack Obama, who is the 44th President of the United States of America, is also the winner of the 2009 Nobel Peace Prize, who made history in 2008 when he won the U.S. presidential election, who is the first African American to be President. Obama who is charisma, intelligence, and powerful speeches, who have made him extremely popular with many Americans. Who has been very successful with his message for change.

After four years om New York, who moved

Luis and Janaina

Barack Obama

Barack Obama, who is the 44th President of United States of the United States of America, is also the winner of the 2009 Nobel Peace Prize, who made history in 2008 when he won the U.S. presidential election, he is the first African American to be president. Obama, who is charisma, intelligence, and powerful speeches have made him extremely popular with many Americans, who has been very successful with his message for change.

ingrid and sandra

BARACK OBAMA

Barack Obama, who is the 44th president of the United State of America, is also the winner of the 2009 Nobel Peace Prize, made history in 2008 when who won the U.S. presidential election, is the first Africa American to be president, who charisma, intelligent and powerful speeches have made extremely popular with many Americans, who has been very successful with who message for change.


After 

Ana,Guillermo,Ana Delfa.

Barack Obama.



Barack Obama, who is the 44th President of the united States of America, is also the winner of the 2009 Nobel Peace Prize. Who made history when he wont the U. S. president election, who is the first African American to be president.Obama, who is charisma,intelligence,and powerful speeches,who have made him extremely popular with many Americans. Who has been very successful with his message for change.

After four years in New York,Who moved

karina and agnieszka

Barack Obama, who is the 44th president of the U.S of America, is also the winner of the 2009 Nobel Peace Prize.He, who made history in 2008 when he won the U.S presidential election,is the first African American to be President.Obama, whose charisma,intelligence,and powerful speeches have made him extremely popular with Americans,has been very successful with his message for change

Agnieszka

Barack Obama, who is the 44th President of the U.S. of America, is also the winner of the 2009 Nobel Peace Prize. He, who made history in 2008 when he won the U.S. presidential election, is the first African American to be President. Obama, whose charisma, intelligence, and powerful speeches have made him extremely popular with many Americans, has been very successful with his message for change.
Obama, who moved to Chicago after four years in New York, worked as the director of a community project from 1985 to 1988. Obama, who entered Harvard Law School and became the first black president of the Harvard Law Review, taught law at the Uniwersity of Chicago Law School for twelve years. Obama, who became an Illinois Senator in 1996, in 2004 was elected as a U.S. Senator. Obama, who has supported legislation on conservation, energy, immigration and honest leadership, is currently battling with serious issues such as the economy, the global credit crisis and wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. Obama, who won the Nobel Peace Prize for his "extraordinary efforts to strengthen international diplomacy and cooperation between peoples".

Erika and Gladys

Barack Obama, who is the 44th president of the United States of America, is also the winner of the 2009 Nobel Peace Prize. Obama, who made history in 2008 when he won the U.S. presidential election, is the first African American to be President. Obama, whose charisma, intelligence, and powerful speeches have made him extremely popular with many Americans, who has been very successful with his message for chance.

After four years in New York, Obama, who moved to Chicago, worked as the director of a community project from 1985 to 1988.
Obama who entered Harvard Law School and became the first black president of the Harvard Law Review, taught law at University of Chicago Law School for twelve years, who became an Illinois Senator in 1996.

Obama, who was elected as U.S. Senator in 2004, supported legislation on conversation, energy, immigration an honest leadership. Obama who is currently battling with serious issues such as the economy, the global credit crisis and wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, won the Nobel Peace Prize for his "extraordinary efforts to strengthen international diplomacy and cooperation between peoples."

to Saturday students

If you have trouble signing in to the blog, we will work together on Saturday.

Enjoy the week. Get enough sleep and eat a good breakfast. 

Karina's post

Barack Obama


 Barack Obama,who is the 44th
President of the U.S of America,is also the winner of the
 2009 Noble Peace Prize.He,who made history in 2008 when he
 won the U.S presidential election,is the first African
 American to be President.Obama,whose
 charisma,intelligence,and powerful speeches have made him
 extremely popular with many Americans,has been very
 successful with his messages for change


correction:

He,who made history in 2008 when he
 won the U.S presidential election,is the first African
 American to be President.


- The structure of your sentence is correct, but in general you can't use a pronoun (he, she, it, etc.) in this situation.


The correction is: Obama, who made history in 2008 when he  won the U.S presidential election, is the first African American to be president.

There should be a period (.) at the end of the last sentence. Minor but necessary.



 After having been in New York for four years he
 moved to Chicago and worked as the director of a community
 project from 1985 to 1988.


There should be a comma (,) after "years. The structure of the sentence you wrote is perfect.


Then he entered Harvard Law School
 and became the first black president of the Harvard Law
 Review. Obama taught law at the University of Chicago Law
 School for twelve years and then become an Illinois Senator
 in 1996 In 2004.

The structure of the  two sentences is also 100% correct, but the verb "become" should be past tense. "Become" is the base form.


He was elected as a U.S Senator,and has supported legislation on
 conservation,energy,immigration and honest leadership,which
 is currently battling with serious issues such as the
 economy,the global credit crisis and war in Iran and
 Afghanistan.

There should not be a comma after Senator because the subject (he) is the same in the first part of the sentence and the second part.

This is correct: He was elected as a U.S Senator and has supported legislation on....

 If you use "he" again (repeat the subject, you can use a comma.

This way is also correct: He was elected as a U.S Senator, and  he has supported legislation on... (notice ", and HE has..)

The "which" is incorrect. Remember, "which" is for things not people. A solution is to omit "which" and the comma (because now there is no new subject):

This is correct: conservation,energy,immigration and honest leadership and is currently battling with serious issues such as the
 economy,the global credit crisis and war in Iran and Afghanistan.

But again, your sentence demonstrates understanding of the complex construction.

Obama won the Nobel Peace Prize for his extraordinary efforts to strengthen international diplomacy
 and cooperation between peoples


That one is also perfect, except for the absence of a period at the end. Punctuation is important. Speaking and writing are different, as you know. You speak well and with practice your writing will catch up with your speaking and may even advance beyond it.

Zunilda and Alinton

Barack Obama,who is the 44th president of the United States of America, is also the winner of the 2009 Nobel Peace Prize.Obama,  made history in 2008 when he won the U.S presidential election. He is the first African American to be President. His charisma,intelligence,and powerful speeches have been extremely popular with many Americans. He has been very successful with his message for change.


Obama,who moved to Chicago after four years in New York,worked as the director of a community project from 1985 to 1988. He entered Harvard Law School and became the first black president of the Harvard Law Review and he taught law at the University  of Chicago Law School for twelve years. He became an Illinois senator in 1996.


Obama , who was elected as a U.S.Senator in 2004. He supported legislation on conservation, energy,immigration,and honest leadership,is currently battling with serious issues such as the economy,the global credit crisis and wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. Obama won the Nobel Peace Prize for his extraordinary efforts to strengthen international diplomacy and cooperation between people.

---

Zunilda and Alinton,

This is well done. The sentences are constructed well. There is only one error that I can find. In the fourth paragraph, there should be "and" between "leadership" and "is currently battling."

Another minor suggestion  is that you leave a space between a comma and the next word. For example,  "the economy,the global credit crisis" should be "the economy, the global credit crisis."

Overall, your writing- your transformation of the article from class- looks professional quality, which is needed for success in a career using English.

For other students, remember that it isn't necessary to do all four paragraphs. I recommend just one, three and four. Skipping number two is okay, but including it is fine too.

I recommend in addition that you write about yourself here as you wrote about your partner. That isn't homework but a good idea if you have extra time- good practice and we would all like to read it.

Kevin and Wilmer

Barack Obama, who is the 44th president of the U.S., is also the winner of the 2009 Nobel Peace Prize.

This one is just an example for you to look at when you are at home this week. I strongly suggest you drink something delicious while you work at the computer.

 

Welcome!

Welcome to the blog.

A blog is a "web log." We blog. Blog.

We will use the blog sometimes.

Remember the user name and password. It isn't difficult to remember.

The blog is easy to use. At the beginning it can be confusing. Relax. You will use it easily later. 

To write, click NEW POST. 

Always write your name (or sometimes your name and your partner's name).

To see your work, click the B (white and orange) at the top left. Then click GO TO POSTS LIST