Virginia Mejia with Li Zhou.
Barack Obama, who is the 44th President of the United States of America, is also the winner of 2009 nobel peace prize, made history in 2008 when he won the U.S presidential election, is the first African American to be president and whose charisma, intelligence, and powerful speeches have made him extremely popular with many Americans and has been very successful with his message for change
Most of this is correct, but it is too long and should be separated into 2 sentences.
With the addition of "AND," the first sentence can be:
Barack Obama, who is the 44th President of the United States of America AND also the winner of 2009 nobel peace prize, made history in 2008 when he won the U.S presidential election.
Nobel Peace Prize needs capital letters because it is a name.
Barack Obama, who is the 44th President of the United States of America and also the winner of 2009 Nobel Peace Prize, made history in 2008 when he won the U.S presidential election.
The elements of the second sentence are in this order:
1. is the first African American to be president
2. whose charisma, intelligence and powerful speeches have made him extremely popular with many Americans
3. has been very successful with his message for change.
It will be correct with these changes:
A. the addition of "Obama, who" at the beginning
B. replace the second "and" with a comma.
original: is the first African American to be president and whose charisma, intelligence, and powerful speeches have made him extremely popular with many Americans and has been very successful with his message for change
correction: Obama, who is the first African American to be president and whose charisma, intelligence, and powerful speeches have made him extremely popular with many Americans, has been very successful with his message for change.
And remember to put a period after "election" and after "change" because there are now two separate sentences, each needing a period at the end.
Complete correction:
Barack Obama, who is the 44th President of the United States of America and also the winner of 2009 Nobel Peace Prize, made history in 2008 when he won the U.S presidential election. Obama, who is the first African American to be president and whose charisma, intelligence, and powerful speeches have made him extremely popular with many Americans, has been very successful with his message for change.
Most of this is correct, but it is too long and should be separated into 2 sentences.
With the addition of "AND," the first sentence can be:
Barack Obama, who is the 44th President of the United States of America AND also the winner of 2009 nobel peace prize, made history in 2008 when he won the U.S presidential election.
Nobel Peace Prize needs capital letters because it is a name.
Barack Obama, who is the 44th President of the United States of America and also the winner of 2009 Nobel Peace Prize, made history in 2008 when he won the U.S presidential election.
The elements of the second sentence are in this order:
1. is the first African American to be president
2. whose charisma, intelligence and powerful speeches have made him extremely popular with many Americans
3. has been very successful with his message for change.
It will be correct with these changes:
A. the addition of "Obama, who" at the beginning
B. replace the second "and" with a comma.
original: is the first African American to be president and whose charisma, intelligence, and powerful speeches have made him extremely popular with many Americans and has been very successful with his message for change
correction: Obama, who is the first African American to be president and whose charisma, intelligence, and powerful speeches have made him extremely popular with many Americans, has been very successful with his message for change.
And remember to put a period after "election" and after "change" because there are now two separate sentences, each needing a period at the end.
Complete correction:
Barack Obama, who is the 44th President of the United States of America and also the winner of 2009 Nobel Peace Prize, made history in 2008 when he won the U.S presidential election. Obama, who is the first African American to be president and whose charisma, intelligence, and powerful speeches have made him extremely popular with many Americans, has been very successful with his message for change.
posted by the blog at 2:11 PM
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