the first time when I felt despair. Sun-Suk.Ko

Substance: first experience
My Topic: First time when I felt despair

When I entered college. I felt despair first time. Everything is different to high-school. In high-school only study is emphasized to all of student. In The Korea, everybody said to me,” if you want to better life in future, just study”, and I did like that. When I was high- school student. I needed to only study. But after entered college I felt so many thing. I needed meaning of life. I had to find. I had a strongest desire about meaning of my life. In high school, even I had no time to sleep. But in college , I had had a many time to think about that.

I was a lonely. I was a annoying. Everything in our society indirect something like pyramid. When I was middle school student. People said to me, if you are going to good high school. Your life will be great and wealthy also you can find whatever you want. And I did like that. but, nothing is change. There is a same thing also in high school. Wherever and whenever I was, I heard, just do Study. Of course study is very good. But at that time I need meaning. In the college everybody mentioned how can get a good job. Not now, but at that time, I was totally disappoint about everything. I thought if I do something very hard, I will find what I want THE MEANNING.

I had no friend. Annoying what I found to meaning is less painful than loneliness. In Korea, we have a great holyday –chu-suk it is similar with easter day in U.S.A. In chu-suk, everybody in Korea come back their hometown. But I did not come back .I did not want to see anyone. In the night in first of chsuk. I felt great emptiness in my life.
In fact. The all people who live in building came back their home town except me.
Everything was so quite. When I bought something outside and came back building. I can saw my room light was only turned on. It was totally darkness in whole building and room. My soul was so depressed

At that time I felt total despair