make a original story toya
One day, he doesn't have any confident,because he's very negative.
he always thinking about hisself. he has never thought other people and he doesn't have any friends. he likes dance and song,he has never perform to everybody.
One day, he met a nice men. he is really positive and always smile,but the man doesn't like nice man. his name is hopper. everybody like hopper and hopper like everybody.
Hopper want to have friend negative man. he knew that he doesn't like me.
he don't give up try to make a friend.
One day,hopper found what he like it. hopper is practice to dance and song,but his skill is terrible. when negative man walking on the street, the man saw that his practice to dance and song. he is so suprised and the dance and song made a deep impression on a negative men.
Next day, negative man asked hopper, "do you like a dance and song?" hopper said "yes! i love it! it is my life!" negative man smiling said " me too"
After that they are best friends! hopper and negative man never forget each other.
----
Toya, this is the correction of your original story:
You wrote it in the present tense. I recommend you write it again in the past tense.
Kevin
One day, he doesn't have any confidence because he's very negative.
He's always thinking about himself. He has never thought other people and he doesn't have any friends. He likes dancing and singing, but he has never performed for anybody.
One day, he meets a nice men. He is really positive and always smiles,but the man doesn't like the nice man. His name is Hopper. Everybody likes Hopper and Hopper likes everybody.
Hopper wants to be friends with the negative man. He knows that he doesn't like him. He doesn't give up trying to make friends.
One day, Hopper finds what he likes. Hopper is practicing dancing and sing,but his skill is terrible. When the negative man is walking on the street, the man sees his dancing and singing practice. He is so suprised and the dancing and singing makes a deep impression on a negative man.
The day, the negative man asks Hopper, "Do you like dances and songs?" Hopper said, "Yes! i love them! They are my life!" The negative man, smiling, says, " Me too,"
After that, they are best friends! Hopper and the negative man never forget each other.
he always thinking about hisself. he has never thought other people and he doesn't have any friends. he likes dance and song,he has never perform to everybody.
One day, he met a nice men. he is really positive and always smile,but the man doesn't like nice man. his name is hopper. everybody like hopper and hopper like everybody.
Hopper want to have friend negative man. he knew that he doesn't like me.
he don't give up try to make a friend.
One day,hopper found what he like it. hopper is practice to dance and song,but his skill is terrible. when negative man walking on the street, the man saw that his practice to dance and song. he is so suprised and the dance and song made a deep impression on a negative men.
Next day, negative man asked hopper, "do you like a dance and song?" hopper said "yes! i love it! it is my life!" negative man smiling said " me too"
After that they are best friends! hopper and negative man never forget each other.
----
Toya, this is the correction of your original story:
You wrote it in the present tense. I recommend you write it again in the past tense.
Kevin
One day, he doesn't have any confidence because he's very negative.
He's always thinking about himself. He has never thought other people and he doesn't have any friends. He likes dancing and singing, but he has never performed for anybody.
One day, he meets a nice men. He is really positive and always smiles,but the man doesn't like the nice man. His name is Hopper. Everybody likes Hopper and Hopper likes everybody.
Hopper wants to be friends with the negative man. He knows that he doesn't like him. He doesn't give up trying to make friends.
One day, Hopper finds what he likes. Hopper is practicing dancing and sing,but his skill is terrible. When the negative man is walking on the street, the man sees his dancing and singing practice. He is so suprised and the dancing and singing makes a deep impression on a negative man.
The day, the negative man asks Hopper, "Do you like dances and songs?" Hopper said, "Yes! i love them! They are my life!" The negative man, smiling, says, " Me too,"
After that, they are best friends! Hopper and the negative man never forget each other.
posted by the blog at 12:50 AM
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