notes on Aleyda's post
Aleyda,
Thanks for writing so generously. I have made some comments below:
My boyfriend and me have a very romantic relationship. We fell in love at first sing. I was 15 years old and He was 18 years old. I saw him in his Aunt home. He came from the city to my small town Estanzuelas. There was I born in 1988. I have lived there since 2005. We meet on street on front at his Aunt's house at moment we saw together the first time. I felt butterflies in stomach and sweaty palms. He given a stared look with sweet eyes. He was smile me and quickly my face turned red later he walked close to me and he asked me. What is your beautiful mane? I was so nervous my voice couldn't come out. I was frozen for couples of seconds. I was answer him with a nervous "my name is Mary" it is my middle nick name from Marisela, then I asked him What is your name. He answered me Rafael. One second later he holds my hands and I rubbed his right back hand. My heart started to beat more faster of normal. Three days later that it happen he has left from the town go back to the city. When he said me goodbye I felt sad and him too. One month after him started to write me love letters every 2 weeks. Four months later when he got his vacation's school. He came again to Eztanzuelas to visit his family. That day throw off his personal stuff and he saluted everyone in his Aunt's house. Quickly he took his Uncle's bicycle to went two blocks down from his Aunt's house to my house's block there I was play soccer with friends. While I saw him my body started to shake when he got off from bicycle him started to go closer to me and we got the first goodnight kiss when he kiss me. I felt the time stop and we flew in our own sky ....
Your writing is mostly correct. There are some minor errors. This is the corrected version:
My boyfriend and I have a very romantic relationship. We fell in love at first sight. I was 15 years old and he was 18 years old. I saw him in his aunt's home. He came from the city to my small town, Estanzuelas, where I was born in 1988. I have lived there since 2005.
We met on the street on front off his aunt's house. At the moment we saw each other the first time, I felt butterflies in my stomach and sweaty palms. He gave a staring look with sweet eyes (or just: He stared with sweet eyes). He smiled at me and quickly my face turned red. Later, he walked close to me and he asked me, "What is your beautiful name?" I was so nervous my voice couldn't come out. I was frozen for a couples of seconds. I answered him with a nervous "My name is Mary," which is my middle nick name from Marisela. Then I asked him, "What is your name?' He answered me Rafael. One second later he held my hands and I rubbed the back of his right hand. My heart started to beat faster than normal.
Three days after it happened he left the town to go back to the city. When he said goodbye to me, I felt sad and he did too. One month later, he started to write me love letters every 2 weeks. Four months later when he got his school's vacation, he came again to Eztanzuelas to visit his family. That day he threw off his personal stuff and he saluted everyone in his aunt's house. Quickly he took his uncle's bicycle to go two blocks down from his aunt's house to my house's block, where I was playing soccer with friends. When I saw him, my body started to shake. When he got off his bicycle he started to go closer to me, and we got the first goodnight kiss when he kissed me. I felt time stop and we flew in our own sky ....
Aleyda, you should check out the correction to improve the English. Your writing is very good. The story is vivid and shows how even small details become rich with meaning at moments like yours and your boyfriend's. And you show that all love stories are similar but each one is completely different, unique.
Thanks for writing so generously. I have made some comments below:
My boyfriend and me have a very romantic relationship. We fell in love at first sing. I was 15 years old and He was 18 years old. I saw him in his Aunt home. He came from the city to my small town Estanzuelas. There was I born in 1988. I have lived there since 2005. We meet on street on front at his Aunt's house at moment we saw together the first time. I felt butterflies in stomach and sweaty palms. He given a stared look with sweet eyes. He was smile me and quickly my face turned red later he walked close to me and he asked me. What is your beautiful mane? I was so nervous my voice couldn't come out. I was frozen for couples of seconds. I was answer him with a nervous "my name is Mary" it is my middle nick name from Marisela, then I asked him What is your name. He answered me Rafael. One second later he holds my hands and I rubbed his right back hand. My heart started to beat more faster of normal. Three days later that it happen he has left from the town go back to the city. When he said me goodbye I felt sad and him too. One month after him started to write me love letters every 2 weeks. Four months later when he got his vacation's school. He came again to Eztanzuelas to visit his family. That day throw off his personal stuff and he saluted everyone in his Aunt's house. Quickly he took his Uncle's bicycle to went two blocks down from his Aunt's house to my house's block there I was play soccer with friends. While I saw him my body started to shake when he got off from bicycle him started to go closer to me and we got the first goodnight kiss when he kiss me. I felt the time stop and we flew in our own sky ....
Your writing is mostly correct. There are some minor errors. This is the corrected version:
My boyfriend and I have a very romantic relationship. We fell in love at first sight. I was 15 years old and he was 18 years old. I saw him in his aunt's home. He came from the city to my small town, Estanzuelas, where I was born in 1988. I have lived there since 2005.
We met on the street on front off his aunt's house. At the moment we saw each other the first time, I felt butterflies in my stomach and sweaty palms. He gave a staring look with sweet eyes (or just: He stared with sweet eyes). He smiled at me and quickly my face turned red. Later, he walked close to me and he asked me, "What is your beautiful name?" I was so nervous my voice couldn't come out. I was frozen for a couples of seconds. I answered him with a nervous "My name is Mary," which is my middle nick name from Marisela. Then I asked him, "What is your name?' He answered me Rafael. One second later he held my hands and I rubbed the back of his right hand. My heart started to beat faster than normal.
Three days after it happened he left the town to go back to the city. When he said goodbye to me, I felt sad and he did too. One month later, he started to write me love letters every 2 weeks. Four months later when he got his school's vacation, he came again to Eztanzuelas to visit his family. That day he threw off his personal stuff and he saluted everyone in his aunt's house. Quickly he took his uncle's bicycle to go two blocks down from his aunt's house to my house's block, where I was playing soccer with friends. When I saw him, my body started to shake. When he got off his bicycle he started to go closer to me, and we got the first goodnight kiss when he kissed me. I felt time stop and we flew in our own sky ....
Aleyda, you should check out the correction to improve the English. Your writing is very good. The story is vivid and shows how even small details become rich with meaning at moments like yours and your boyfriend's. And you show that all love stories are similar but each one is completely different, unique.
posted by the blog at 1:29 PM
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