Yoyo and Amber,
You use the vocabulary from the story well to re-tell it. Your personal comments in the first and last paragraph add to the reader's interest.
I have some suggestions about punctuation and other things:
A. Omit the colon (:) in the first sentence.
B. Don't forget the article (a) in the second sentence.
C. You shouldn't shorten "years" to "yrs" in a composition. It's okay in e-mail.
D. "We can hear" is correct. After "can" and other modals, (will, should, etc.), you have to use the base form of the verb. That rule is 100%.
E. You should put a title in quotations (Sonata and Etudes should be "Sonatas and Etudes" because it is the title of the CD.
F. "in same age" should be "the same age."
G. "share this story to" should be "share this story with" (prepositions in English are very tough, as you know).
Our favor story is : the pinch hitter Yuja Wang .
She was born on February 10 1987 in Beijing .She from comes from musical family.She began tinkering with the key at 6 yrs old .She entered Beijing's Central Conservatory of Music at age seven and studied there for three yrs. She had a heap of intensive traing and a concern when she was 7 yrs old.We can heard her childhood performances on Youtube.She began playing professionally when she was 10.Her first CD was Sonatas and Etudes .it has been nominated for a Grammy.From 1998 to 2008 she won lots of prizes.
We love this story and experience because we are almost in same age .It will be nice to share this story to everyone.
You use the vocabulary from the story well to re-tell it. Your personal comments in the first and last paragraph add to the reader's interest.
I have some suggestions about punctuation and other things:
A. Omit the colon (:) in the first sentence.
B. Don't forget the article (a) in the second sentence.
C. You shouldn't shorten "years" to "yrs" in a composition. It's okay in e-mail.
D. "We can hear" is correct. After "can" and other modals, (will, should, etc.), you have to use the base form of the verb. That rule is 100%.
E. You should put a title in quotations (Sonata and Etudes should be "Sonatas and Etudes" because it is the title of the CD.
F. "in same age" should be "the same age."
G. "share this story to" should be "share this story with" (prepositions in English are very tough, as you know).
juan lin yoyo and amber
She was born on February 10 1987 in Beijing .She from comes from musical family.She began tinkering with the key at 6 yrs old .She entered Beijing's Central Conservatory of Music at age seven and studied there for three yrs. She had a heap of intensive traing and a concern when she was 7 yrs old.We can heard her childhood performances on Youtube.She began playing professionally when she was 10.Her first CD was Sonatas and Etudes .it has been nominated for a Grammy.From 1998 to 2008 she won lots of prizes.
We love this story and experience because we are almost in same age .It will be nice to share this story to everyone.
posted by the blog at 9:57 PM
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